unedited/unfiltered thoughts on honor

🦤

context //

we have a saying, “we don’t honor because they are honorable, we honor because we are honorable.”

this week, a friend of mine asked:

I do want to ask you how you feel about people in our church continuing to give honor to those who have dishonored?

Is it the whole “we honor because we’re honorable” or is it just not worth your time?

in addition, this person went somewhere and honored that place intentionally, and it surprised the son of the leader. that’s mentioned here.

disclaimer - there’s always people leaving our church and throwing shade. it’s happened for 24 years. i hope these people find what they are looking for, and in no way is this a response to whoever the flavor of the month is that has an issue with us. angry and disgruntled people are the norm, not the exception.

if you’re currently mad at us, i don’t really care, but if you want to take this personal, go ahead. whatever makes you feel special. but i can promise, i’m not thinking about, or talking about you. we’ve got a great church with great people, and that’s my focus. i’m grateful for the people who have come and gone, reason, season, lifetime, but we’re not thinking about you nearly as much as you’re thinking about us. we’ve got too many good things going on.

honor is RARER than a dodo bird 🦤

the more you get higher in leadership, the more you’ll hear the stories.

and we don’t say or do anything, because we live by that statement. “we don’t honor because they are honorable, but because we are honorable.” someone’s action is not going to dictate our response as much as can control.

most people never know the true story. and we don’t need to tell it. people who speak the language of honor can always tell when someone is pretending to speak it. honor is like the shibboleth from judges. people try to speak it, but the dishonor in their heart is heard by those who truly speak honor. and, people who speak honor can always eventually tell who really speaks the language as well. it’s just a time issue.

“time doesn’t just tell, time reveals” // PK.

honor doesn’t happen unless you have the opportunity/reason to dishonor.

so you’re not truly honorable until you come to the test that gives you a reason to dishonor.

(i’ve spent) my whole life growing up in green rooms and watching ministries and especially fathers and sons. the reason why that son was blown away by your honor is because:

a: he’s a dishonorable son who has never seen honor before and thinks it’s not real. like people that have never done money God’s way think that prosperity isn’t real.

b: he’s a son of honor who saw you speak a language that most people who walk into his church don’t speak! but he speaks!

i think the only way to tell honor from dishonor is the time test. “be sure your sin will find you out” // numbers 32:23

your heart will always eventually be revealed, dishonor is like those gold chains that turn your skin green. day 1, looks the same as honor. day 1000? green skin.

i don’t know him at all, but if he’s with his dad and grateful you did it, and noticed it and wasn’t mad you didn’t thank him…he’s probably a good son!

you can usually tell a bad son because he wants the honor the father receives without being willing to experience the brokenness of humility that is both forced upon him and chosen. bad sons want the promise but not the process. and think their dad went to war so that he (the son)can sit on the throne. they want the “take dominion” part without doing the “subdue it” part.

the only thing worse than that kind of weak, dishonoring son is a dishonoring son who fights his dad and splits the kingdom by leaving his dad, but staying within his father's borders.

there's good reasons for dishonor and weakness. pain hurts, it can permanently wound you and maim you. and the father really doesn't want his son to experience pain like he did.

there's good reasons for dishonor and leaving. the son has more gifting and talent than the father. the sons gifts are squelched and the father is a bad leader who didn't make room for his son or do what the son thinks he deserved. so he's going to go be better than his dad. because otherwise he is not being used "for God" to his maximum potential.

as if God can't promote you from where you are.

we've never seen that happen. except, you know. joseph, david, moses, abraham, paul, isaac, jacob, the 12 disciples, and pretty much every other Bible character.

his response:

The tale of three kings went crazy on this for me. “God has a university. A small school. Few enroll; even fewer graduate. It’s God sacred school of submission and brokenness. ”

Another book, “leadership pain” helped me know that just pain in the process is inevitable. When you said it can permanently wound & maim you, I’ve just learned nothing has the potential like making you like pain.

In that book there was this quote that I keep learning, “It’s easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.” - Julius Caesar

The process really does feel like submission 😂

if you’re truly honorable. you don’t dishonor, even if that means you don’t tell “your side” of the story.

if you’re honorable. be honorable everywhere.

the test of honor will always be in the place you have a “good” reason to dishonor. if you can’t honor in the face of dishonor, you don’t get honor. no matter how much you think you do.