“To pursue union at the expense of truth is treason to the Lord Jesus…Yet, almost unconsciously, good men and true may drift into compromises which they would not at first propose, but which they seem forced to justify.”

//Charles Spurgeon

Elephants are massive, hard to miss. We like elephants. They are strong but also seem relatively harmless. Humans often feel comfortable around elephants. Even in the wild these animals will rarely, if ever, charge a human being. However, it does happen. On average elephants kill approximately 500 people per year across the world. For reference, hippopotamuses kill approximately 3,000 people per year, whereas about 30 people die every year from mishaps related to “shaking a vending machine.” Cows kill about 20 people per year, ants 40, sharks only 4. Mosquitos are considered by many people to be the most dangerous animal in the world, killing an estimated 1,000,000 people per year.

When someone or something encroaches on an elephant’s territory, most elephants will not start with an attack. The elephant will start with what is called a “bluff charge.” The elephant wants you to know it means business but isn’t going to attack you. It will use what researchers call “displacement activities” to try to get you to go away. It will fan its ears out wide, making it appear larger. It will sway side to side, pivoting from one leg to another. Its trunk will not be pinned up under its body, instead swaying or hanging down below the elephant.

The way to respond to a bluff charge is by not being intimidated. The key is to remain calm and stand your ground. If the elephant continues to advance, you should yell, wave your arms, and generally attempt to show the elephant that you could be a threat to them. Conservationists teach this as the best practice to ward off an elephant attack when it is bluff charging. The video at the top of this post shows Alan McSmith, an elephant conservationist, fending off a bluff charge.

If a person doesn’t stand their ground, a bluff charge will quickly become an all-out attack. When an elephant is really attacking, it won’t threaten you or do displacement activities. An attacking elephant will pin its ears back, curl up its trunk, and run at you full speed warning. The best thing to do during a real elephant attack is to run as fast as you can and attempt to get a large object between you and the elephant. Elephants have been known to knock down trees and flip cars. If you find yourself in this situation in the African bush, try to find a concrete wall or an Abrams tank to put between you and the elephant. Even then, it may be a 50/50 proposition. Good luck.

Most of us live with elephants every day. Not the literal kind we find in the wild but the metaphorical “elephant in the room.” I’m referring to those ideas we don’t want to acknowledge or speak about. There’s a saying: “Never talk about politics or religion in polite company.” Yet these “elephants” are things that take up so much space in our mind, our families, and our friendships. Despite our desire to ignore our elephants, they only seem to grow larger and louder. We frequently find ourselves trying to understand what to do with the bluff charges that we face every day. All too often, these bluff charges turn into full-scale devastation. Trees may not be trampled nor cars flipped over, but our closest relationships might be forever changed by the elephants in the room.

Elephants have always been in the room. Some, like politics and religion, will always be controversial topics. The dominant elephants often change with culture though. In recent years, certain elephants have taken center stage, including social justice, critical race theory, gender, and sexuality. Throughout history, elephants like these have divided families and friendships and have altered our perspectives on each other and the world we live in.

When an elephant enters the room, it can be difficult to understand how we should respond. Bluff charges can be scary. Our instinctive response is to run. Most of us would not have the confidence to calmly stand our ground in front of an elephant. We do the same thing with the elephants in the room. We don’t feel qualified to talk about them, we want to avoid controversy, we don’t want to be uncomfortable. The reasons for avoiding the elephants in the room are almost unlimited. We don’t realize that such a response to the bluff charge is what transforms it from a show of force into a display of destruction.

A few people are more than willing to take on the elephant bare-handed. We respond, but our response is anything but calm and measured. We dig our heels in and value “rightness” over relationship with those closest to us. I’ve seen that happen. I have friends who are no longer speaking to their parents because their parents voted for Donald Trump. Or parents who have for all intents and purposes disowned their children because their children support the Black Lives Matter movement. Some people notice the elephant in the room and choose to attack it before it attacks them. But this brings about the same result as ignoring a bluff charge—devastation.

This book is not meant to provide ammunition to fill your gun so you can hunt and kill the elephant. This book is meant to help you understand the elephant so that it can become your friend. Elephants and people have coexisted for a long time, and we can continue to do so.

The social justice movement, Critical Race Theory, gender and sexuality are bluff charges. They don’t represent an actual attack. We must respond to these bluff charges, but we must do it in the right way. Paul says this in Ephesians:

Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
// Ephesians 4:15-16 NLT

Elephants in the room are a way to represent the “new” teaching that tosses us around, tricks us, and influences our thinking and the thinking of those around us. There have always been these kinds of cultural movements, and there always will be. It is not the particular movements that matter; it is our response to them.

If you are a Christ-follower, remember that when you are confronted with elephants, you are bound by Ephesians 4:16: Not just to speak the truth but to speak the truth in love. That is what this book attempts to do: Speak objective, foundational truth from a place of love so that we can become friends with the elephant.

Many well-meaning and good-hearted Christians have approached these topics heavy on truth and light on love. But our goal should be the one described by Paul in Ephesians 6:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
// Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Our fight is not with people. Therefore, no human being must be treated as an enemy. We are fighting the elephant in the room, which is an idea, not a person. If you’re a Christ-follower, embrace the thinking described by Paul so that your response to the bluff charge can be a success.

These are bluff charges. Not real attacks. They are distractions and diversions. This attack began long before we were born. It’s the attack Jesus described:

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].
// John 10:10 AMP

There is an enemy of your soul that seeks to steal your peace, kill your destiny, and destroy your relationships. That’s why Jesus came. More than 2,000 years ago, he stood up to the ultimate attack against all of us. He took on the enemy of our souls and won.

However, this enemy still wants you to think he can make you run. He wants to make you think that he’s unstoppable when the truth is that he’s already been stopped. Everything he throws at you is a bluff charge unless you decide to run. At that point, you’re allowing the attack. As soon as you calmly stand your ground and address the bluff charge, it’s over.

The real attack is already over. Everything else is just a bluff charge. The enemy knows it, God knows it, and you and I need to know it too. Understanding this will prevent us from falsely believing that people are our enemies. The enemy of your soul will use the elephants in the room to steal, kill, and destroy. These are bluff charges, ideologies that can be addressed and dealt with.

We can and should calmly and wisely address the elephants in the room. In doing so, I believe we can make more friends than enemies and make the world a better place to live.

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1.1 | getting to know elephants